Are you a dad? Do you love camping? Have you recently found yourself stuck at home do to a global pandemic? Here are some tips on how to survive an unplanned home bivy.
biv·ou·ac
/ˈbivo͞oˌak/
noun
a temporary often unplanned camp, used especially by soldiers, or mountaineers
Whether you said something to your wife when you should have kept your mouth shut, left the toilet seat up one too many times or there’s some wild virus running around, it’s always a good idea to have plans in place for an unexpected home bivouac.
Everyone knows they need to have the 10 essentials with them every time they go out, but few think about how to plan if they are stuck at home. Being prepared no matter where you can make the difference between survival and total loss of sanity.
Here’s a list of 6 things you should consider when preparing for an extended stay at home.
1. Clothing
Having the correct clothing for a home bivy is critical. Layering is usually best as conditions can change room to room, or you find yourself with a beer on the deck. You’ll want to be able to manage your temperature in all conditions. Too hot, you’ll sweat and and too cool your body will use more energy then necessary. This extra use of energy may metabolize alcohol quicker than you’d like. Loose bottom layers also help with mobility and karate moves.
2. First Aid Supplies
If something was to go wrong, help may be minutes away instead of hours or days in the wild. While this may sound convenient, it may actually prove to be more dangerous as hospitals are probably busy with other sick people. Having a basic first aid kit to manage minor wounds is a necessity. Remember, bleeding can be made worse by blood alcohol levels.
3. Nutrition
Having the correct amount of food and water on hand during an unplanned home bivy can make or break your chances of survival.
* A simple way to calculate rations is to take your weight multiply it by zero and then add 2. This should tell you how many beers you need a day on weekdays. Use the same formula and add 4 for weekends.
Here is a sample menu:
Weekdays
- 2 beers per person
- 1 package of pepperoni or beef jerky
- 1 large pizza
Weekends
- 4 beers per person
- 2 packages beef jerky
- 1 large pizza
In addition to the outline above, you can usually find more food in the kitchen. Ask your wife if you need help.
4. Lighting
It’s always good to have a headlamp or flashlight nearby. A light source can be helpful to locate lost pepperoni sticks, make sure you are peeing inside the toilet (headlamp recommended) or if you need to run out late at night because you forgot to lock the car.
5. Wildlife
Depending on the time of day, local wildlife can impact your safety and ability to focus on survival tasks. Once the sun rises, most small children begin to stir. Preparing small amounts of food often will keep them calm. It’s not uncommon for these wild animals to seek your attention during the day and depending on their age might climb, crawl, drool, punch, hit, scream, yell or throw things at you periodically. As dangerous as they may seem, few pose a real threat to your safety. The best option is to play dead until they come near, then jump up and scare them, or offer hugs, piggyback rides and candy.
6. Alternative shelter
Even though your unplanned bivy is happening at home, there is a chance your wife might kick you out into the backyard. You should always plan to have a tent at the ready just in case. Consider your geographic location, time of year and altitude when planning your alternative shelter. These factors may determine if you need a hammock or 4 season tent.
Summer is only a few hundred days away and science is making great advances towards mitigating the current pandemic. Hang in there. At least football is still happening.
